What if Matthews weren't allowed?

So I spared dear Matthew much suffering and took it upon myself to get out all of the cheesy, girly, and/or otherwise sentimental/indie type movies I know he does not appreciate while he is in Anchorage.  

     I began with a movie I have been meaning to see ever since it came out, out of curiosity more than anything, Brokeback Mountain. I am slowly getting around to my "to do" list. I have most recently checked off my first pair of Doc Martens for my 30 Birthday (only I had to send them back to get a 1/2 size smaller).  What remains? Triple pierce my ears (may do that soon but dont know of a place on Kodiak), dye my hair blue, (you know something around the turqoisey, aquamarine variety), and get a Farsi tatoo of the word, wisdom on my ankle (but will wait a year on that one).  So if you are a parent the lesson here is you might as well let your kid: get the tatoo, dye the hair, get the piercing early on, because I have not ever "grown out" of it, its just made the way to the bucket list, so to speak.  I have no idea why. But I digress. Back to brokeback.

       The movie was quite good, surprisingly although the manner in which Heath Ledger and the other actor (I can't remember who it was) worked out their relationship was rather lacking. And the fact that neither of them really seemed "gay" (not to stereo-type but you know).  It was not all what I would have expected, in a good way.  What was heartbreaking, was that here were these two gruff guys who could not figure out their relationship and/or work it out out of fear, primarily. Heath Ledger recalls "two guys who lived together who got the crap beat out of em" in his impressionable youth and so tones the nature of the relationship to never being possible for either of them.  He gets married, then divorced, the other guy gets married as well.  But their relationships with women were sorely lacking and fell apart at the seams.  Sometimes I thought that their relationship was based on an escape. That is, they escaped the responsibilities of married life and children by being with each other, on a "fishing trip" whatever.  But the way the movie was done it became much more than that and I could tell that it was not so much an escape as it was the way they wished things could be. Now I am not sure what time era the movie takes place (I assume not modern day) but it seemed very old-fashioned, etc.  So it was tasteful, it was a well done movie.  But it got me thinking (of course) and this is where I struggle in my faith.

     How often do we judge a moral issue for another person of which we have no knowledge of, ability to relate to? How convenient for a straight person to say that being gay is wrong, for example. Do we really want to go there, do we really want to think about if it were us? What would we do if our faith forbade us from loving another person? Whatever their gender? 

And so I thought about Matthew. And it struck me, what if Matthew's weren't allowed? (now he will kill me for writing this bc he is conservative and would probably not appreciate me making this argument, but. It is essential for my musings here hmmm...)  In other words, what if I were not allowed to marry, love, etc be with any-one named Matthew? It could be other names, but not Matthews. It would be morally wrong if I were with a Matthew, for example. Now could I really give up my Matthew because it was wrong to love a Matthew? Hmmm it would be very difficult. I know I should say I would. But there is a crux for me because I don't know that I could.  Because I really love Matthew and he is really the only one for me.  So I guess I am really glad he is allowed for me and all.  So that is my struggle.  I love my Christian faith I do. It is a story of repentance and grace and love and turning from hate and bitterness and fear to the light of God's truth. It is about being kind to others, caring for all, loving all (and it is a bit socialist too I think but don't tell anyone :)   Jesus' example and sacrifice is something I believe in wholeheartedly. But I find it difficult to believe He would forbid love of a Matthew, or technically I guess acting on the love of a matthew after marrying one, except thats not allowed, well for the people illustrated in the movie... I should dwell on the growing of my faith in the areas I have peace with, I know. But sometimes it is hard to get over imagining life without or forbidden from Matthew....